Dwelling
by tswsots
Summary: Post-1x19 Diane reacts to Jonas Stern's meltdown in court.
1. Chapter 1

Diane's desk lamp is the only light burning in Lockhart/Gardner's deserted offices.

She can't see a thing in the dimness but it doesn't matter: she stopped working a quarter of an hour ago.

She wants to feel good about the settlement. The newspaper got off cheap, in spite of the damning investigative report. Alicia and Cary acquitted themselves well. Deciding between them at the end of the sixth months is going to be harder than she initially thought. The unbidden thought that the firm may not even be here by the time six months have passed rears its head. She dismisses it and rubs the bridge of her nose.

Stern's plots are foiled for the time being. Julius will stay at the firm, which may yet go under, but not this week.

But instead of triumphant or relieved she feels hollow.

Goodness knows Diane has seen Stern lose his temper before. She smiles wryly thinking of all the times she saw assistants, first-year associates – even equity partners – scurrying backward out of his office as his bellow reverberated through the building. He was rarely out of patience with Diane, though, even in the early days.

She was an oddity back then – only the second woman hired at the firm where they both worked, a gangly girl, earnest and bookish, come home to Chicago after seven years in New England. Ignoring whispers, catcalls and even open propositions, she kept her head down and focused on cases. Jonas Stern was already a legend and Diane was desperate to work with him. Granted, she found his colorful personality off-putting at first. But she worshipped his work. His crusade against police brutality and his championship of civil rights endeared him to her more than his habit of changing his pants in the office repulsed her.

The first time she was assigned to work on one of his cases she was eager to impress him and put in long hours scouring documents. Her efforts were rewarded: she found a mistake in his brief that could have been costly and she took it to him.

She was surprised to find that she could look him straight in the eye without flinching and that her voice didn't quake.

He gave her a hard look. Then his eyes crinkled at the corners.

"I need a second-chair. You're it," he said.

They worked closely on several cases after that and inevitably, gossip sprang up. Diane tried not to mind, but it was difficult when even her own family seemed inclined to assume her relationship with Stern was otherwise than professional. She can recall a certain phone call in which her father icily asked why he had paid for four years at Wellesley and three years at Harvard Law if she was only going to let an older man pick her brain in exchange for – Daddy had stopped short of naming what he had in mind. At least her parents believed Stern was taking advantage of _her _expertise. Virtually everyone else believed she was benefitting from his.

Still, she felt confident sticking close to Stern was a smart move. His causes and some of his clients were too controversial for a large and fairly conservative firm. Everyone knew he was champing at the bit, eager to go out on his own – and no one doubted he would make a success of it.

* * *

"I don't know whether you've heard, Diane, but I'm leaving. Starting my own firm."

"Really," she said, managing to sound mildly surprised, even though she'd been hearing rumors for days.

"You're the best associate at this firm. One of the best young litigators I've ever seen," he said. "Come with me? You'd be on the partner track, of course."

She smiled. "Of course. And of course I'm coming with you."

* * *

Diane reflexively checks her e-mail. There is nothing noteworthy. She shuts down her laptop and closes it.

"_And you, my protégé – the only reason I hired you was because it looked good to have a woman in the office_._" _Those words, spoken in the heat of the moment, were patently untrue and she knows that Jonas himself didn't believed them for a second either. The barb bothered her nevertheless. It was simply unlike him to say something so cruel and especially unlike him to sneer at _her_.

And he was never, never otherwise than professional in court.

"_Damn it, _give me a minute!"

Sitting at the defense table, Diane felt helpless watching Jonas's expression change from aggravated to bewildered to shocked, and then crumple in hurt and embarrassment.

_"Oh. I'm sorry, your honor. I have nothing further."_

The gruff note in his voice made her queasy.

She wanted to beat him, of course – needed to beat him, the threat to Lockhart/Gardner was real – but not like this.

Something is very wrong and Diane should have realized it sooner. Alicia knows what it is – has known for a while, evidently. Diane feels like kicking herself for misunderstanding the situation. She saw that Alicia made Stern uncomfortable. After all, he asked to speak to her privately in front of a roomful of lawyers and clients. Diane deliberately chose Alicia to handle the newspaper editor's questioning, guessing correctly that the first-year associate might be able to rattle the older attorney. But she supposed that whatever Alicia had on Stern related to his drinking, or perhaps his daughter. Now, she knows there is something quite different going on.

As they exited the courthouse after Stern's meltdown, Diane briefly considered asking Alicia about what had happened. She thought better of it. The first-year associate played it close to the vest at all times and Stern had after all technically been Alicia's client – confidentiality applied.

Seated at her desk, absently passing her glasses from hand to hand, Diane now thinks about asking Kalinda, who is privy to Alicia's secrets if anyone is. But she is leery of this option. She has leaned on Kalinda a little too much recently and she knows from experience that the investigator is not shy about cashing in on favors.

There is another possibility. Diane could call Stern's ex-wife – Cassandra, the saner one – and do a little prying. She starts to look up the number in her contacts, then stops. This is absurd and it's sneaky.

_I worked with the man for thirty years_, she thinks. _If the two of us can't sit and have a talk after all this time, what kind of people are we? _

She takes a deep breath and calls Jonas. After six rings she gets his voicemail. She hangs up without leaving a message, sighs and starts gathering her belongings.

* * *

She drives down nearly empty streets. When did Chicago become such a quiet city? She has a hunch she knows where to find Stern. There's no chance he's at home. He has always been a night owl. When they worked together, no matter how late she stayed at the office, he stayed later.

One late night – it must have been seventeen or eighteen years ago – he joined her at her desk, hours after a particularly painful verdict came in. Diane's client, a twenty-year-old kid accused of first-degree murder, was convicted and sentenced to life in prison.

"Tough loss," he said.

She grimaced.

"It should have been a win."

"Why's that?"

"I should have known I would lose the motion to exclude. I should have been prepared for that and I should have lined up more witnesses. "

"You can't anticipate everything. Stop staring at the walls and go home."

"I'll only stare at the walls at home."

"Yeah?" he said, understanding. "Maybe you should get a pet. A dog."

"If I do, I'll name him after you."

He laughed and she did too, finally.

Then, unexpectedly, he took her hand and pressed it.

"Don't dwell on it, love" he said. "There's always another case."


	2. Chapter 2

Diane parks across the street, bracing herself for the night air as she slides out of the driver's seat. Crowley's hasn't changed, although Diane hasn't been here in at least five years. As she gets closer, her steps slow. She has caught sight of Stern through the window.

He is sitting at the bar, his shaggy, bearded head bent low over the counter. Scant yards from the window now, Diane can see four tumblers lined up in front of him.

She falters. He's here and everything is exactly as she expected. It's yet another reminder of how well she knows him and how close they were.

"_This is about us." _

"_Of course it's about us. I'm gonna destroy your firm."_

How did they get to this point? For a time, Stern and his first wife were like family. They included Diane at holidays – she remembers sitting next to their daughter, Rachel, at a Passover Seder and watching the little girl hide an entire matzoh ball in her napkin.

Naturally, there was the occasional spat. Perhaps the most heated argument Diane and Stern have ever had concerned the merger with Amundsen Law Group, the firm where Will was a partner at the time. Diane was uncomfortable with the whole thing, and wasn't exactly subtle about expressing her displeasure.

"What?" he finally snapped, after catching her rolling her eyes once again. "I want this merger to go through and I need your vote. So what is it?"

"These aren't our kind of lawyers," she said. "They'll change us."

"Change us? Sure, they'll change us. Two hundred million more a year. That's change I can live with."

"They don't have a vision," she persisted. "It's all about business to them. They won't let us take the risks we want to. I know it sounds corny, but – they won't let us follow our hearts."

Jonas laughed shortly. "I see. You're worried I'll stop being a good Liberal."

"No, I'm worried you'll be outvoted every time you want to take a case that's important to you."

"You think I can't hold my own against these stuffed shirts?"

"Oh, stop it, Jonas. This is about the firm. Don't make it about your ego."

"Sure it's not about _your _ego, my dear?"

She was taken aback.

"What?"

"You're threatened. You're afraid some of these _businessmen_ will be name partners before a _visionary_ like you will."

Diane raised her voice.

"Oh, go to Hell. So I'm ambitious. So are you. That's not what we're talking about here. And I'm not the one putting rivalries with other attorneys ahead of the interests of my clients. We both know that's why you had to settle in the Murchison suit."

His face reddened with anger and she knew she had gone too far.

"Get out of my office."

"Jonas…" she was about to back-pedal.

"Get out of my office before I have you bodily removed," he hissed.

She left. The following day she apologized and in the end she voted for the merger. After all, to attract the clients they wanted, they needed funds.

Maybe Will and his people did change the firm, Diane muses. Maybe they even changed Diane herself. What was it Jonas said?

"_The both of you treat the practice of law like it's used cars."_

She wants to dismiss the accusation out of hand. Easy enough for Stern to be an idealist, traipsing from one exotic locale to another, riding across deserts by moonlight and buying Chinese perfume jars while Diane and Will weathered the recession. But after all, if Stern left managing the firm to his partners, it was because they urged him to do so. They did everything possible to encourage his absence. In recent years, Stern's behavior has become more and more problematic: drinking, off-color comments in the press, an especially nasty feud with a sitting judge that led to the entire firm being taxed for months. Embarrassed as his indiscretions multiplied, she and Will teamed up to convince him to take fewer cases and spend less time at the office.

For the last three years, Diane realizes with a pang of guilt, she has troubled Stern only when she's needed his vote to overrule Will. No wonder, then, that she overlooked what she is now almost certain must be a medical condition.

The DUI was the final straw of course. She argued with Will and the partners only half-heartedly. In the end, she too planned to vote to push Jonas out for the good of the firm. The ultimate betrayal of her mentor. It didn't come to that – Stern beat them to the punch by quitting. But he seemed to know anyway.

"_I will bankrupt this firm before I let you push me out."_

He spoke the words with such vitriol. Yes, he knew Diane was among those ready to throw him under the bus.

Well. Does anyone in the whole wide world know how to be a good lawyer _and_ a good Liberal _and_ a good business manager _and_ a good friend?

* * *

Diane remains frozen outside the window for several minutes. She intended to speak to Stern, to press him for answers and to offer her support. But intuition tells her he won't want to see her now. Or rather, he won't want her to see him.

Only when she sees Jonas, who now looks like a small and tired old man, stand and put on his jacket does she turn away and walk off into the night.

* * *

She is early for work the next morning. She sleeps more and more fitfully these days. She lay awake staring at her alarm clock for an hour before it went off this morning.

As she exits the elevator, she stares for a moment at her name on the door, remembering the first time she saw it.

"What do you think?" Stern said, gesturing.

Diane knew what she should say, but the lump in her throat prevented her from speaking.

He raised a coffee mug in mock-toast.

"To you, my partner. The brains and the beauty of Stern/Lockhart."

"What are you, then?" she asked.

"The bluster," he bowed dramatically and she chuckled.

* * *

Although she promises herself not to waste anymore time today worrying about Stern, Diane remains a little distracted. Her attention wanders while Kalinda explains why a malpractice suit has hit a snag.

"Okay, thank you," Diane says finally. "Keep me updated."

But as the investigator reaches the door, Diane clears her throat. Kalinda doesn't miss a trick, of course. She spins on her heel.

"Something on your mind?"

Diane bites her lip, but she might as well come out with it now.

"I wanted to ask you about – and believe me, I know you would never betray a confidence, but – "

" – Stern?" Kalinda cuts to the chase.

"Yes," Diane says gratefully. "I've been wondering whether he might not be, uh, ill. Do you know anything about that?"

Kalinda gives her an odd half-smile. She speaks slowly, choosing her words carefully.

"I'm not saying I know anything. But – you're not wrong to wonder."

"Dementia?" Diane asks, aware she is pressing her luck.

The young woman doesn't answer but the gleam in her eyes speaks volumes. Diane has guessed right.

"I see. Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

Kalinda leaves and Diane sits down heavily. She could use the information against Jonas, of course, to try to poach his clients. But she won't do that. For one thing, she doesn't _know_ anything. She has no evidence. And besides, for Stern – a Titan in a courtroom, a brilliant scholar, a consummate wit, a man with an ego the size of the Willis Tower – for someone like him to be losing his memory, his self-control, his ability to drive… He must be in Hell. No, no one will hear about this from Diane.

_I'll call him_, she tells herself. _In a few weeks, when the newspaper lawsuit is no longer uppermost in his thoughts, I'll call him._ But even as she thinks it, she doesn't believe it. She flips open the file folder on top of her desk.

_Don't dwell on it. There's always another case._


End file.
